It goes without saying, once your diagnosed HIV positive, dating can be a daunting and frightening experience. It doesn't have to be. Remember that there is much more to you than merely HIV. Don't allow your status rob you of your self-esteem or your values. You don't have to settle for being lonely because no one will like you, and you don't have to settle for the wrong person. Here are a number of effective tips for a "positive" HIV positive dating experience!
Some folks find it easier (especially at first) to just go out with other HIV-infected people. If you elect to start dating only HIV-infected people, there are a load of HIV positive dating services on the Internet as well as HIV forums, HIV chat rooms, and HIV Support groups. Just type in one of these phrases in Google and you will notice a ton of results - 99% of them are free of charge.
If it does not matter to you whether your partner is positive or negative, you can focus more on traditional methods ' singles events, places of worship, dating websites/on-line dating, personals ads, or networking through friends. If you are going to date someone who is not HIV positive, you will have two considerable questions on your mind - when and how do I tell this person I have HIV.
Being HIV positive dating someone who is HIV negative, well...There is no one easy or absolute way to tell them. As HIV+ educator and humorist River Huston puts it, "Unless he's in a coma or you have a gun, there is no right time!"
Often, it's not how or when you tell, it's who. If a prospective partner is going to find your status unacceptable, it probably won't matter when or how. And if that person is going to accept you and the diagnosis, it may not matter if you reveal prior to the first date or after the fifth.
There are two main approaches to when to tell:
Tell and Kiss - You tell prior to the first kiss, often prior to the first date. An advantage: Less emotional attachment before a potential rejection. Disadvantage: More people find out that you have HIV.
Kiss and Tell - You wait until after a few dates when you feel comfortable with the person. An advantage: No need to make known to each date; more privacy. Disadvantage: The "Why didn't you tell me before?" response.
Is one of these 'more right' than the other? Not really; it's a personal choice. But while there may not be a best way to divulge, there is a inappropriate way'
Sex and Tell - You're hiv positive dating someone that's HIV negative, and you don't declare your HIV status until after a sexual encounter. This is generally in the hope that by that stage your partner will be emotionally involved and won't reject you.
Major disadvantages:
You can expose your partner to HIV. Not only is this morally wrong, in several countries and more than 30 states in the U.S., it's illegal. Even if you have safe sex, and even if the partner is not infected by the contact, it's still illegal in many states and countries to engage in sex without disclosing. People have been sent to prison for this ' take it seriously!
If you have unprotected sex, you're in danger, too. You can still catch other STDs, Hepatitis C, or an even stronger strain of HIV.
Most people lose their trust in sexual partners who conceal significant information. How would you feel if a date waited until after the two of you had sex to point out that he or she was married? Several studies confirm that revealing after sex leads to an increased threat of violence. Unfortunately, many women are beaten or raped after disclosing their HIV status. Why increase the odds?
HIV Positive Dating Tips
Have 'the talk' well before you wind up in the bedroom. Have the talk when you're both sober. Read up on HIV and safe sex. It will make it easier for you to talk about. Get advice from those who have gone before. Attend HIV support groups and ask others how they cope with HIV positive dating and disclosure. Be prepared for rejection. Sooner or later it will crop up. Just remember ' you got rejected before HIV for lots of various reasons and you survived that!
Don't be scared to have love in your life. Look for a loving relationship with a person who wants to be with you for you. Sex can also be an important and exciting part of your relationship. If you feel nervous or guilty about the chance of infecting your partner, make certain you know how to protect him or her by practicing safer sex.
It can be common to feel ashamed of or uncomfortable by your HIV status when dating. But if these feelings persist and prevent you from dating, or lead to depression or isolation, seek help. Find a support group or therapist; you'll probably start to feel more enthusiastic about dating and romance before too long.
Remember, HIV is not the end all be all, you are NOT your HIV!
Some folks find it easier (especially at first) to just go out with other HIV-infected people. If you elect to start dating only HIV-infected people, there are a load of HIV positive dating services on the Internet as well as HIV forums, HIV chat rooms, and HIV Support groups. Just type in one of these phrases in Google and you will notice a ton of results - 99% of them are free of charge.
If it does not matter to you whether your partner is positive or negative, you can focus more on traditional methods ' singles events, places of worship, dating websites/on-line dating, personals ads, or networking through friends. If you are going to date someone who is not HIV positive, you will have two considerable questions on your mind - when and how do I tell this person I have HIV.
Being HIV positive dating someone who is HIV negative, well...There is no one easy or absolute way to tell them. As HIV+ educator and humorist River Huston puts it, "Unless he's in a coma or you have a gun, there is no right time!"
Often, it's not how or when you tell, it's who. If a prospective partner is going to find your status unacceptable, it probably won't matter when or how. And if that person is going to accept you and the diagnosis, it may not matter if you reveal prior to the first date or after the fifth.
There are two main approaches to when to tell:
Tell and Kiss - You tell prior to the first kiss, often prior to the first date. An advantage: Less emotional attachment before a potential rejection. Disadvantage: More people find out that you have HIV.
Kiss and Tell - You wait until after a few dates when you feel comfortable with the person. An advantage: No need to make known to each date; more privacy. Disadvantage: The "Why didn't you tell me before?" response.
Is one of these 'more right' than the other? Not really; it's a personal choice. But while there may not be a best way to divulge, there is a inappropriate way'
Sex and Tell - You're hiv positive dating someone that's HIV negative, and you don't declare your HIV status until after a sexual encounter. This is generally in the hope that by that stage your partner will be emotionally involved and won't reject you.
Major disadvantages:
You can expose your partner to HIV. Not only is this morally wrong, in several countries and more than 30 states in the U.S., it's illegal. Even if you have safe sex, and even if the partner is not infected by the contact, it's still illegal in many states and countries to engage in sex without disclosing. People have been sent to prison for this ' take it seriously!
If you have unprotected sex, you're in danger, too. You can still catch other STDs, Hepatitis C, or an even stronger strain of HIV.
Most people lose their trust in sexual partners who conceal significant information. How would you feel if a date waited until after the two of you had sex to point out that he or she was married? Several studies confirm that revealing after sex leads to an increased threat of violence. Unfortunately, many women are beaten or raped after disclosing their HIV status. Why increase the odds?
HIV Positive Dating Tips
Have 'the talk' well before you wind up in the bedroom. Have the talk when you're both sober. Read up on HIV and safe sex. It will make it easier for you to talk about. Get advice from those who have gone before. Attend HIV support groups and ask others how they cope with HIV positive dating and disclosure. Be prepared for rejection. Sooner or later it will crop up. Just remember ' you got rejected before HIV for lots of various reasons and you survived that!
Don't be scared to have love in your life. Look for a loving relationship with a person who wants to be with you for you. Sex can also be an important and exciting part of your relationship. If you feel nervous or guilty about the chance of infecting your partner, make certain you know how to protect him or her by practicing safer sex.
It can be common to feel ashamed of or uncomfortable by your HIV status when dating. But if these feelings persist and prevent you from dating, or lead to depression or isolation, seek help. Find a support group or therapist; you'll probably start to feel more enthusiastic about dating and romance before too long.
Remember, HIV is not the end all be all, you are NOT your HIV!
About the Author:
Matt Beram lives with a family member who struggles with HIV on a daily basis. He started a free HIV Forum and a Free HIV Positive Dating Website to help and support others with this very challenging illness.
